I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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