and i looked up. we had an audience...
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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