Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Randomize
