you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
