you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
