Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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