It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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