wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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