Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
