I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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