He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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