It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
