conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
