I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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