you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
