i just google imaged poop.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
