genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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