Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
