I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
