OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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