i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
