i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Say something about gay babies.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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