he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
In other news, I just burned my penis
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
