She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
