Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
