No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
