apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
This baby is an asshole
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
