does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
