WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
They have beer where we have blood.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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