Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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