Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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