Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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