Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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