Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
