please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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