dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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