Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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