I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
