im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
