i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
