So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Randomize
