Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
