I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
