And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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