My cat gives me a boner
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Randomize
