so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
time to smoke my breakfast
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
