No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
