I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
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