I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
