Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
sex in a hospital.. check
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
