At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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