stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
