Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
