That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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