I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Randomize
