dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
