Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
