I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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