Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Randomize
