I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
