Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
