I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
