Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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